Love Pink [Chapter 1]

Many of you have probably read this already on the llt blog. We are posting it here from now on, this and future chapters. 

Bon appetit xoxo

I haven’t even been in this hotel 20 minutes & I already want to live here. I can’t believe Nicki stays at places like this all the time. Nicki. My Nicki. Little Onika, from Southside Jamaica Queens. Well, she’s not so little now. She’s a freakin’ MEGA star! Hard to believe this is the same girl that used to steal my clothes in middle school. I just watched her on stage with Britney fucking SPEARS! She has come so far. Ok, let me stop. I'm getting way too emotional.

I sat down on the sofa in her suite & took off my coat. Everything in here was beautiful. Fresh roses were everywhere. Pink of course. There was a huge flatscreen mounted on the wanna over a glass burning fireplace. Glass burning. Like, which bitch you know got a fireplace that burns GLASS?! I was so mesmerized by it I didn’t even notice the door click open. I heard a gasp from behind me & immediately stood up.

“NICKI!” I screamed. We ran to each other, tears already flowing before I even wrapped my arms around her petite frame.

“Maria, what are you doing here?!” she asked.

“I wanted to see you! Its only been like a THOUSAND years since I saw you.”

“I knoooooooooow! Im so happy you came!” We pulled apart & pecked lips. Its something weve done since we were teenagers. All the guys on the Ave used to think we were gay because we wouldn’t give them the time of day (because that was the ONLY other explanation as to why we didn’t want their sorry asses. Insert eye roll here). Everyday, me Nic, TT, Viola, & Candi used to be on the bulevaurd, arms linked together as we walked. And every time a guy would try to talk to us, we would flirt & kiss each other. It was all harmless fun…until they found out I really did like girls. I tried to convince them that I didn’t like them like that but it didn’t matter. Our friendship was ruined. Almost everybody stopped talking to me, except Nicki. That’s why Ioved her so much. I didn’t change in her eyes, I was still just Maria.

After we managed to stop crying (thank god) she told me to come into her room while she got undressed & took off her makeup. I say on the edge of the massive bed& waited.

“So tell me whats going on Maria. How you been?” she asked from the bathroom.

“No, how YOU been Ms. Nicki Minaj?” I said in my ratchet voice.

“Maria stop. I don’t wanna talk about me. My life is stressful & boring.” She sighed. I swear to god I wish she could see the look I was giving her. She had to be crazy.

“Bitch, WHAT?! You just toured with Britney SPEARS. Aint nuttin about that boring.” I told her. I wanted to hit her in her head. Onika STAY tryin to downplay her life. Every time I talk to her she tells me nothing is going on, but here we are, in a penthouse suite, overlooking Toronto. She has no idea how amazing she is.

She emerged from the bathroom, face bare, dressed in a tank top & capri sweats. Her long brown hair was twisted in a bun at the nape of her neck. She had always been one of those girls that could just roll out of the been & look fabulous & I hated that. Me & TT would be in the bathroom for hours getting ready for school, meanwhile this bitch got on some mascara & lipgloss, lookin like a super model. As I looked at her, I couldn’t help but play Drake’s “Best I Ever Had” in my head. Hmmmm, wonder if he was thinking about her when he wrote that. Hopefully I would remember to ask her.

She sat down on the edge of the bed next to me & pulled her legs underneath her.

“Yeah, but that’s work. My real life is so boring.” She said, exasperated. Sooooo dramatic. “I wanna hear about you though. How’s Patrice? Yall still together?”

I cringed at the mention of her name. Patrice was my now ex-girlfriend. We hadn’t been together for a while but what she did to me still burned me.

“Shes fine.”I told her, looking down into my lap.

“Ut oh. What happened?” Nicki asked.

“Her baby shower is next month.” I didn’t dare look up. I didn’t want to see that sympathetic gaze.

“Awwwww, baby im sorry.” She said pouting as she took my hand in hers. “But fuck her though. If that bum bitch cant see how fucking amazing you are, you don’t need her anyway.”

“I know, I know. But it still hurt.”

“yeah, I know.” She reached up & tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I loved when she did stuff like that. I don’t know why but I just felt better. I took a deep breath & smiled.

“Its ok. Casualties of love, I guess. Speaking of, whats up with you? You found a man, or you still draggin Safaree around with you everywhere?” His name made acid rise in my throat. I hated him & she knew it. She scrunched up her nose at me like she always did, letting me know she wasn’t in the mood for my lecture. Usually I would ignore her & tell her how much I hated that he used her. But I haven’t seen her in almost 2 years & I didn’t know when I would see here again so I wasn’t about to waste this precious time on shit that didn’t matter.

I threw my hands up in surrender, letting her know I would drop it. She relaxed her shoulders & smiled again. I swear I would do anything to keep that smile on her face.

“I don’t wanna fight about it. Im just saying. I know its gotta be hard to find a man with her so far up your ass.” She averted her eyes. Oh no. no no no no! “Onika! Please don’t tell me.” She looked at me confused.

“What?” she said. It took her a second to get the hint. “Oh no. GOD no. Safaree?! No.” she said in a disgusted tone.

“Then why did you look away?” I asked, getting in her face. She looked down, biting her lip, fighting off a smile. “Ooooh Nicki!” she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She giggled softly. “Who is it!” I exclaimed, bouncing up & down.

“Nobody.” She squeaked.

“Liar!”

“No really.”

“Is it Wayne?”

“Ewww, no!”she laughed.

“Big Sean?”

“He HAS a girl.”

“OOOOOH then its Drake!” and just like that, her cheeks were pink. “Ahhhhhhh, Onika!!!!”

“Stop it!”

“yup I knew when you wrapped ya legs around him.”

“Oh my god.”

“looked like a regular position to me. He quiet so he prolly freaky as fuck. Legs all IN the air.

“Shut UUUUP!”

“Yall mad cute though. I aint eem mad. Zo yew bew bew!”

“Its not like that.”

“Ooooohhhh, yall friends with benefits then? Is it good?”

“What are you talkin about?”

“Bitch stop playin, how is the DICK?!”

“You don’t even care!”

“Yeah you right, but still!” ok I was lying. Just because I liked girls, doesn’t mean I wasn’t curious. He could get it. ALL of it.

She went on to tell me that while Drake is NAWT her boyfriend & they did NAWT have sex (allegedly) she did like him. And no, “Best I Ever Had” was not about her, but a girl he dated named Nebby (fuckisaNEBBY.com), but “Unthinkable (I'm ready)”was (he MOD cute for that). I wasn’t trippin. He seemed nice enough.

While she bombarded me with questions about work, school, family & friends, she poured us some drinks. This felt good. I really missed talking to her like this. I mean, talking on the phone was great, but I just missed seeing her face. Watching her laugh. I could tell that me being here really helped her get her mind off the stress in her life & that made me happy. We were right in the middle of a conversation about the ridiculous boys we used to date in high school & how wehad to be high when we decided to date them, when I caught a glimpse of the clock. It was almost 3. Lord, how time flies.

“Shit, its late. I gotta get going.” I said as I sat my drink on her nightstand.

“Nooooo! Maria, please stay with me. I need you.” She whined, tugging at my wrist.

“Nicki it’s a long drive back to Brooklyn.” I told her. Which it was. But that wasn’t why I didn’t want to stay.

“Please!? I'll fly you back tomorrow.”

“You know I'm scared.”

“Well I’ll drive you back myself! Just please don’t go. I don’t want you to leave yet. You're the only normal person I know.” She looked like she was going to cry. I really didn’t want to go. I just knew I couldn’t stay here. With her.

“I don’t even have money for a room.” She rolled her eyes at me.

“You are going to stay here with me. In my room. In my bed. Just like the old days.” She told me.

“Nicki.” I said quietly. “I can’t.”

“Why not? I don’t have cooties. Promise.” She said in a baby-ish tone.

“I know. But so many people invade your life already. I can’t. I would feel horrible.” She scooted closer to me & pulled my head to her chest.

“Maria, I love you. I want you to stay. You're one of my bestfriends. You’re not intruding. You never ask me for anything. If anything, I owe you for not keeping in touch more. So please stay. If you don’t, I’m gonna feel bad & cry all night.” I hated when she did this. I don’t even know how she did it, but she always made people feel guilty for not doing what she said. I huffed heavily at my defeat. I didn’t even have to look at her to know she was smiling. She stood up, heading for the bathroom. In a matter of seconds, she was back with a container of makeup wipes, holding them out for me. I cut my eyes at her before pulling one. “Bitch, you better PUT a smile on your face! Like how many people can say they slept with Nicki Minaj?” she said in a cocky tone before turning to walk away. She looked back at me smiling, making her hips switch a little harder than usual. I gave a wry laugh before covering my face with the wipe so she didn’t see the blush that spread across my cheeks. If she only knew.

See, this is why I didn’t want to stay. I love her, okay? I love her. I mean, it's been 15 years, so I'm good at hiding it. But now, I don’t know. We were older & she was…Nicki. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Every day I kept it from her, it just got worse. That’s part of the reason I came. I had to tell her. I knew there was a huge chance that she could be freaked out & hate me but I had to tell her how I felt. I knew it was a longshot & there was absolutely nothing I could offer her except myself, but I hoped that just maybe she might like me even a little.

I looked at myself in the mirror over her dresser, making sure all my liner was off, when I caught her reflection scurrying across the room. Oh lord.

“Forgot my soap.” She said as she approached the dresser, 1 arm across her boobs. She reached in front of me, grabbing the bar of dove, before turning back around, completely unbothered, which was more than I could say for myself. I sat back on the bed, beginning to panic. I couldn’t do this. There was no way in hell I could share a bed with her & make it out alive. She was too tempting. I had to get out of here. I eyed my jacket, draped over the couch. I could get to it& leave without her even knowing. But it would just break her heart if I just left. Maybe I could write her a note. But what would it say? ’Hey Nicki, sorry I couldn’t stay but I'm in love you & I can’t stop thinking about taking your clothes off. Call you tomorrow. Kisses!’ I rolled my eyes at the thought. Ugh, I missed her so much! Who knows when I’ll be able to see her again. And she wants me here. God, what kind of friend am I? Why was this so HARD? Stupid emotions. I was entering round 2 of my battle of guilt when the bathroom door opened, steam pouring out in puffy clouds. She emerged in only a towel, body still dripping wet. My heart rate picked up. Yup, I was out of there. There was no way I could lay in that bed & NOT cop a feel. I headed for my coat.

“Maria, where you goin, boo?” she asked. I stopped in my tracks, thankful she couldn’t see my face. How in the hell could I tell my friend I couldn’t be a friend when she obviously needed me because I couldn’t keep my hormones in check? A wave of shame washed over me. I turned to her, biting my lip.

“Nic I really wanna stay but I'm so dirty & I I don’t even have extra clothes…” I wasn’t even finished with my sentence when she walked over & grabbed my arm, pulling me back to the room. She tugged me over to the corner where a mass of shopping bags sat. She picked up a Victoria’s Secret bag & handed it to me.

“I don’t wanna hear your mouth. Just go in there, take a shower & put something on.”

“But Nicki…”I pouted.

“GO.” She ordered. I jumped when I felt the sting of her hand on my butt. I knew I shouldn’t be but I was so turned on by this. Before my cheeks were completely red, I scurried off to the bathroom, closing the door. I placed my bag on the vanity & looked at myself in the mirror. I could do this. I knew I could. I would just tell her tomorrow. Right now, she needed a friend. I showered quickly & dried off. When I looked in the bag, I instantly regretted the decision to not bring extra clothes. All that was in there was underwear & PINK shirts. It’s not like it mattered, but the thought of her seeing my body scared the hell out of me. Yeah, she was my Nika, but she’s Nicki MINAJ! You can’t name a bitch badder than her. I wasn’t afraid to say it made me a little body conscious. I peeked out the door at her. She was bending over, putting lotion on her legs; a thong & PINK tee the only items on her body. I gulped as I went back to the bag, pulling out a yellow tank with blue writing& purple cheekys with black hearts dotted across them. I took a deep breath, said a prayer & opened the door.

My eyes were trained on the plush carpet beneath my feet as I made my way to the bed, taking a spot next to her.

“Mmmmm, now das a bad bitch right there.” She said before licking her lips. Goodness, she wasn’t even TRYING to be sexy & she was. In an effort to keep my cool, I rolled my eyes, snatching the lotion from her. I bent over, beginning to lotion my legs when I heard her suck her teeth.

“What’s wrong?” I asked looking back at her.

“I can’t stand you.”

“Why?!”

“Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause. You always had bigger boobs than me. I be hatin on the low.”

“Well, bitch I had to get SOMETHIN’! You got all the ass!” We both laughed. After we were lotioned up, we climbed to the top of the bed & snuggled under the covers. We clicked off the side table lamps, letting the darkness fall on us. Our bodies illuminated only by the soft light emitted from the Canadian National Tower. We faced away from each other, my mind busy counting as many lights from skyscrapers I could see to keep from thinking of her soft body so close to mine, when she called my name. I rolled over to face her.

“What’s up?’I asked her. She looked down, avoiding my gaze.

“I wanna ask you something…….& I want you to tell me the truth.” She said in a shy tone. SHIT! What if she knew?! What if she asked me? What would I say? I swallowed hard.

“You know you can ask me anything.” I said with a smile.

“I don’t want you to be offended or anything. I was just wondering…” she was struggling with the rest.

“Just spit it out, Nicki.” I giggled nervously. She looked up at me.

“What’s it like? You know, being…..with a woman?” she almost whispered. I was shocked. Never did I ever think she would ask this. My heart was trying to climb out my throat.

“What do you mean? Like sexual or……”

“Well like, is it better with them than it is with boys?” Yes, Nicki. YES!

“Well, for me, yeah. I'm defiantly more comfortable. There’s a lot of things you don’t have to explain. Like why you need butter pecan at 3:30 a.m. every 3^rdThursday of the month.” She smiled.

“Noooooo, I mean like. Is it easier to…I don’t know what I'm trying to ask.”

“Where is all this coming from? I thought Drake was goin’ be yo baby zaddy?!” she rolled her eyes, shoving a pillow in my face.

“I never said that. But I just…I don’t know. In my life, I never know if guys really want me for me, you know?”

“Ion know Nic. Drake done told the whole world he goin’ marry you a good 90 thousand times. He just might mean it.” I laughed.

“Yeah but did you notice that when he does that, it makes us both so much more popular? I mean, he’s really sweet, but I just can’t be sure if it’s real or for ratings or record sales. I just wonder if it would be easier to find someone to love me if that person were a woman.” I wanted to lie. I wanted to lie to her so bad& tell her that women were easier to love & that she could defiantly find someone to love her for who she really is because I'm right here. But I couldn’t do that. I wanted her, but I wouldn’t lie to her. I took a deep breath before I answered.

“I wish I could make you feel better & tell you that you could find a woman to love you for you, but I can’t. Women play all the same games that men do. Sometimes better. We do love harder but that usually only mean we hurt harder.” She looked down & sniffled. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Oh baby, come here.”I said, pulling her to me. I kissed the crown of her head as she snuggled to my chest. I wanted to take every ounce of pain she was feeling & absorb it into myself so she wouldn’t have to feel like this. I just wish she knew that there IS someone out there for her. Closer than she thought.

“I'm sorry. I just get so lonely sometimes.” She whispered, swiping at her tears.

“Well, I'm here now.” She pulled away from me & smiled.

“Yeah, you are.” She kissed the tip of my nose & turned away from me. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me close, letting her body rest next to mine. I laid there, content with the proximity of her, when I realized how much I missed her presence. I used my free hand to tug her hair out of her bun, letting it unfold down her back. I kissed her neck. My lips tingled when they came in contact with her soft skin. It was an innocent gesture but I couldn’t help but want to progress. I let my fingers glide against her slender shoulder, falling down her harm & finally resting on her hip. I toyed with the hem of her t-shirt before finally letting my finger find their way under it. Her stomach was smooth, warm. I moved closer to her, our bodies now pressed firmly together. She was still but I knew she wasn’t sleep. She wasn’t rejecting my touch, so I took it as a sort of invitation. I let my hand slide higher up her torso, just underneath her breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra. I could feel the subtle rise& fall of her chest beneath my fingertips, & suddenly, all my nerve was gone. I was afraid. Of what, I couldn’t decide. Of being rejected. Of not being rejected. I wasn’t quite sure. But the realization of the fact that I may never have this chance again, crashed down on me like bricks. I suddenly felt an urgency to make a move. But it couldn’t be too forward. I slid my hands between her breasts, resting in the middle, where I could feel the soft thud-thump of her heart. The heat from her radiated through my hand & soon, my whole body. She remained still. I was motionless for a moment, counting the beats of her heart. After 20 beats, I was able to muster up some more courage. I let my hand move to the right just a bit, cupping her breast. Her arm moved, but surprisingly, not to stop me. Instead, she placed her hand over mine, coaxing me to massage her. I followed her instruction & her hips rolled against me. After a while, she removed my hand completely, her own taking over. She was silent, but I knew what she was telling me to do. I moved my hand back down her core to where her body held the most heat. I wriggled my fingers through her thick thighs, searching for her treasure. Her panties were soaked. It took every bit of me to fight the saliva from trickling down my chin. Oh, how I have waited for this. And because I’ve been waiting is exactly why I didn’t want to waste any time. I pulled my hand back to her hip, clinging to her thong. Having no patience for undressing her, I pulled the fabric from her body & assumed my hand’s position back at her center. She was even wetter, so warm. I pressed my middle finger down, parting her lips gently. After a few seconds of searching, I found what I was looking for & the most beautiful, mangled sound escaped her lips. She rubbed her thighs together, forcing my hand to move against it. Her breathing picked up as I massaged her in soft circles. But it was hard. I didn’t have the full access I needed to please her the way I wanted. Reluctantly, I pulled back & rose up on my knees. With 1 hand, I pulled her to a sitting position before removing her shirt. I was just about to lay her back down when she stopped me. Rising to her knees, she looked at me. With her hand caressing my face, she urged me closer, but stopped just before our lips met. It seemed as if she was unsure. I wanted to urge her along, but I didn’t want to persuade her to do something she would regret, so I just waited. It was agony. What couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, felt like years. But finally, she brought her lips to mine. Softly, light as a feather. Then, with more purpose. Her fingers tickled my side until she found my shirt & removed it from my body. Finally, I laid her back, kissing her until her head hit the pillow. I then placed tiny kisses down her neck, taking my time. She enjoyed this. Her fingers tangled in my brown locks, she guided me to all the places she wanted me to go. The hollow of her throat, her clavicle, the center of her chest. Then she let me go, giving me free reign of her. I kissed my way to her left breast, taking her nipple between my lips. She hissed softly. I kissed first, then licked, then sucked, then nibbled. Each action having a greater effect than the last. As I teased her, her hand was on the other side, mimicking my actions on her right breast. I looked up at her. Sweat was beading up on her brow, eyes closed, lips parted. I could feel her legs shifting on the bed. She was beginning her accent. Again I sunk my finger in her wetness & she sang out. The heightened pleasure of my lips at her chest & my fingers working her was causing her shiver. I could see her lips quivering out the corner of my eye. I was moving slow but I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before she couldn’t take it anymore. Her cries getting louder & higher in pitch, letting me know that she was painfully waiting to be sent over the edge. After 1 final lick, I released her nipple & continued my journey down her body. Her legs were clenched tight around my hand, keeping pressure on her trigger, but I needed her to open. I bit the skin at her hip hard, knowing the mix of pain & pleasure would do the job. She had always been the type to like things a little rough.

As if I had pressed a magic button, her legs parted, knees dropping to either side. I positioned myself between her thighs, fingers locked around them as I talked myself up silently. ‘You can do this.’I told myself. This was my mantra. After a deep breath, I leaned forward & kissed her succulent lips. She jumped back, like lightening had struck her. At first I thought I had done something wrong, but she soon relaxed, lying still. Again I kissed her, adding my tongue. Again she jolted back, but I caught her. There was no way I was letting her run from me. Taking 1 lip into my mouth& then the other, I teased her, sucking & licking her sensitive skin as she cried out. Before long she was all but begging me to finish her. Her fists tangled in my roots, she tried to urge me along, but I refused. We were moving at my pace, not hers. When I felt she had suffered enough, I let my tongue find her pearl. A deep growl escaped from her chest. I knew it wouldn’t be long, so I did my worst. She gripped the sheets as I worked, fast, then agonizingly slow. Her knees now bent, arching over my shoulders, she lifted her hips to meet my mouth, never wanting to separate us. Her body was telling me she wanted a release now, and that’s what she would get. I started a relentless tongue lashing on her, leaving her panting & squealing. She was nearing the horizon, her breaths coming out in small, broken “ha ha ha” sounds, like she was preparing for labor. Releasing my grasp at her hip, I slid a finger inside her.

“Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmyyyyyy goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood! Yes yes yes!” she panted. Now I needed both my hands. My left holding her lips apart, my right 3 fingers deep in her rainforest as I tantalized her jewel with my tongue. This was it. Walls tighten. Legs quake. Back arched. She was cuming, hard. My face drenched by her sweet honeysuckle flavored nectar. Her legs clenched tight around my head, making it near impossible to come up for breath that I wasn’t sure I even wanted if this was my final resting place. When the brunt of her orgasm had passed, I began kissing her again, coaxing all of what was left of that feeling out of her. All while she littered the air with the sweet, breathless annunciation of my name.

“Maria, Maria, Maria.” She cooed, her hands searching for me in the dark until she found my chin, urging me upward. Working my way up her body until I find her face, I kissed her gently. She takes my bottom lip into her mouth, tasting herself. Clearly this is a flavor she desires because she doesn’t stop. Or is it me? Maybe it’s I who she desires. It’s a longshot, I know, but so was what had just occurred only moments before. But inside I am conflicted, none the less. I need to tell her how I feel so we can figure out what all of this means to her. Because I know what it means to me. I reluctantly pull away from her & stare in to her deep eyes. She gives me a 1 dimple smile & strokes my cheek.

“Nicki, I have to tell you something.” I say, my voice shaky.

“What is it baby?” she says in a sing song voice before bringing my hand to her face, kissing each of my fingers. My heart is pounding & an inexplicable fear is clenching my throat, its icy grasp making it hard to speak. Tears were stinging my eyes. But I had to tell her. I had to get it out.

Forcing the lump in my throat down with a large gulp, I just blurted it out “I'm in love with you.” She stopped to look at me & smiled.

“I know.”She said sweetly & then resumed her task on my other hand. I was confused. Had she heard me right? I wasn’t sure. Maybe she wasn’t focusing. I pulled my fingers from her grasp with an urgency, letting her know I wanted her full attention. She looked at me, serious now. I huffed before repeating myself.

“Onika, I'm in love with you. Like, really in love with you. I want to be with you.” She stared at me, completely mute. I started to panic. I looked down, ready to make a run for it. But before I could slide out of the bed, she stopped me. Her slender fingers wrapped around my wrist, pulling me closer.

“I know.”She spoke. “I’ve always known.” And just like that, those 3 simple words had rendered me breathless. All these years, I thought my admiration had gone unnoticed. But she knew. I wanted to cry. Sensing this, she planted a kiss on my lips. A rush of electricity ran over me, tingling every inch of my skin. Before long her hand was on my neck, urging me forward, deepening the kiss. Her tongue snaking its way into my mouth, probing, massaging. I was becoming overwhelmed. The tears had no choice but to fall, streaking my cheeks. Feeling the dampness on my skin, Onika pulled back, wiping my face. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” And suddenly it seemed silly to cry. She was giving me everything I ever wanted. I giggled before resting my forehead against hers. My arm snaked around her tiny waist, pulling her closer, for even a centimeter seemed too far.

“I love you.” I said to her as earnest as I knew how. She moved in, planting a simple kiss on my lips. No tongue, only her lips pressed against mine. It was small, but the gesture was big. There was no lust in that kiss. Just a sign that she found in me that I had found in her. She pulled away slowly before answering “I love you more.”